Clock Musings

Time is so strange. It seems when you are headed somewhere the pure anticipation is agony-a sweet nagging of the senses. When you are headed back, the time flies in such a way, you wonder how on earth it seemed so long before!

It's also strange when it comes to other things. For example, time between friends, family, lovers, enemies always seems to march a bit differently. In some instances, you would expect everything to be just like always, just to find with a little bit of time the people (including yourself sometimes) have changed, drastically at times. Then there are times that it seems ages have gone by and things are exactly the same…like you've only had a door between you and when you open it, you continue a paused conversation.

Time seems to age us, make us feel younger, bring about greater wisdom, or make us feel stupid for all the change around us when we seem set in our course, unable to keep up.

We are linear beings – plodding down our paths, mundane or otherwise – slowly, one minute at a time…. We can't seem to see past the minute that we are in. Okay, some can guess, some have a line on the future maybe we don't get, but for the most part, we can only see so far. God, on the other hand, knows it all…sees it all.

Sometimes, it is so very hard to take your hands off the wheel and let things fall as they should. We want to push things forward, or pull them back to get the end result we think we want or need. What we end up with is a most terrible mess.

Several months ago, I began thinking along these lines, and realizing that many of the things I've dealt with came from decisions that I made. (Duh, right?) What I mean is that because I had relied solely on my (sometimes shoot-by-the-hip) decision making, I had created more problems than solutions in my life. But what are we to do? Go to friends and family?

If you don't know it yet, that's not the answer. First, they live their own linear little paths and they can't understand yours. Heck, I bank that they barely understand their own. What is good for them might not be right for you. You have those that are so optimistic that you want to smack them, and that they see no reason for your concern. You have others who can't see anything positive in a situation, especially one that they know little about. In essence, we are on our own with making our way, right?

Nope.

Put that anxiety about…whatever it is…aside.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Reading this makes my heart sing because it is a provision of our One True God. He promises us that if we come to Him with love, thanks and humility and present Him with all our hopes and dreams, He will guard us from foolishness, fear, failure. When we let Him handle it, and we allow ourselves to accept His answer as the final answer and we let that peace take us over knowing that we have done the best thing we could do and give our control up to Father, we are setting ourselves up for the best life possible. As a child of Christ, we are no longer our own. We must give away our control. We must give away our choices and let Him guide us. If we don't, well…look at the mess you're in already, savvy?

It isn't easy to free fall. Sometimes I feel that's all that I'm doing. I wait for the confirming word, I wait for the clock to begin, the page to turn, the clock to flip to the double-digit answer. I wait because I am not down my linear path far enough yet for the next stage in the path I walk. And I don't try to push it. Not anymore. I just make too big a mess to consider it. Giving that freedom is frightening, at first. But it gets easier and easier. Because I've been able to do that, I've found something that I lost a long time ago when I closed my heart off. I have found hope again. And the adventurous zeal to see what happens when I trust.

Your choices are not your own. And time is His to use.

Before you make another mess of things, start giving that to Him. "That" being everything. Give it up, sit back and go along for the ride of your life.

Advertisements
Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Belief, strength, Friendship, faith, love, Inspiration

Memories to Be

Hello from on adventure! Yesterday was a long and adventurous trip. I took a route that took me through back roads and through small towns and places where the corn towered over the Jeep and I kept getting a Children of the Corn vibe. I might be from Mississippi, but even I have to say…that was a LOT of corn!

My trip was a lot like driving the back roads at home and I really enjoyed it. It gave me time to meditate, pray, think, dream, and hope. It ended with me more peaceful than I have been in a long while.

It was a bonus to meet with someone that I have known for so long. And that's what today is about.

Not just this meeting, but all of our relationships in general. How many people have slipped through your fingers because you didn't keep up with them? How many have you had harsh words with and knew without doubt that you would never hear from them again? How many do you wonder about?

I don't make friends quickly. The reason is mostly because when I give myself to an endeavor, I do it fully. I put all of myself into it. That can be an intense thing. In just friendships, I have been known to drop all I am doing and travel across the country to be there for someone, just because they said, "Please. I need you."

I am loyal. Extremely loyal. It has cost me dearly before. But, it has also paid off. As in this situation as I sit comfortably in a love seat writing to you from a living room I thought I'd never see.

It's easy to make acquaintances, and easy to be sunny day friends. It's not as easy to see them through the crazy stuff and accept the stupid things that they do with forgiveness and kindness. It's not as easy to watch them struggle and know no matter what you say, they have to figure it out themselves before you can reach out and help them up.

There were many road trips. Many nights on top of the fire tower, throwing copper pennies at the transformer below. There were many nights of slow dancing in truck headlights and crappy stereo systems. There were many phone calls both parties fell asleep on, many text messages that sent more than a word, but a piece of ourselves. There have been many moments with those I love, and it's a crying shame I haven't gotten to see some of them. Regardless the crazy things we did together and to each other.

Where are you in this? I bet you've been thinking hard about someone, maybe more than one. If you can't talk to them, I'm so, so sorry. If you can, get on it.
As for me, I have a date with some new memories.

For all my music lovers, here's a remake of an oldie, and honestly, I like this version best. If you don't like it at first, try it again, it grows on you before you realize it!

Stand By Me by Ki: Theory

Tagged with: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Friendship, faith, love, Inspiration, Music,fun,friendship

The Harder You Push…

When I began this little endeavor, I never expected anyone to actually find this blog. I never thought anyone would actually read it. For those of you who do, and who keep returning to read more…thank you, sincerely. My posts are just what comes through my heart, things that I experience, or have experienced or what I have learned (am learning) as I go along. So, what you see…what you read is very real, very unscripted, and sometimes straight from my heart and sent straight out…when you see typos…grammatical errors…it’s because you just got a phone call from me…I blew my top, gave my heart, spoke my soul, and said “talk to you later”. This won’t be much different.

I’ve had a lot happen in the past 24 hours. Many things of great significance that I expected, but really hoped I was wrong. Others were sudden mechanical disasters, revealing moments, and hard confrontations. Everything seems to go south at once. Have you ever noticed that?

I find that it happens when you are on the right track. Plain and simple. Follow. Follow Me. That’s what Christ said, and I have gone all in. I am doing just that. And as soon as I take that step, the world explodes around me. Just to settle peacefully again, the dust clearing and the way…surprisingly open. Now…to the why of that, shall we?

You see, the way it goes with following the One true God is that when you take a step forward in His name, the enemy…well doesn’t seem to like it much, so tries to throw everything into your path. The idea behind it, I think, is to break you down, make you fear the next step. Make you doubt. That’s where faith comes in, folks. How much faith do you have? Can you take a beating and still get up and move forward? I’ve had this question set to my heart again and again. The past day has been no different. My answer was once not so strong…once. Now, I have no plans to falter.  

This has been a hard-learned lesson for me. You don’t stop. You don’t lie there and let life step on you. You don’t let things hold you down when there is something to be completed. You don’t quit. Take five minutes. That’s it. Five minutes to mourn, to seethe, to ache, to breathe…five. Then. Move. On. 

Here is where my post gets a bit real. I have healed a lot in my life from hard, hard moments. I happen to be a survivor of violent acts. The who, when, and how no longer matter. Forgiven. All of it. But, it is still a part of me. The after-affects…linger. I haven’t ever liked large crowds, and more difficult…I can’t handle small groups in small spaces. Guess where that leaves me? I’m sure you can riddle it out.  

With the upcoming trip moved forward, I am faced with possibly times with no exit strategy. It should be…well…frightening. But it’s not. Strangely, amazingly, beautifully…it’s not. For some reason, I just want to settle the armor a bit more comfortably on my shoulders and head out. 

It’s a freeing feeling knowing that I don’t have to worry about things. That there is no longer anything to fear. You see, I’m out of this decision. I’m out of this plan. I’m following a plan much, much bigger than me, and that has been put in place a lot longer than I’ve been around or aware. 

So, here’s your challenge…take that step. Take two. Take a running leap. Take a chance. For you movie watchers, as the kid says to the girl, “In 50 years, will you be able to say you had the guts to get in the car?” (Transformers). Don’t let the wrong side scare you. Not with mechanical issues, not with confrontation, not with violence, not with…anything.  

Round ’em up, let’s go.

(This tune I have visited before, but you know…it just fits)

State of My Head by Shinedown

Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Belief, strength, Friendship, faith, love, Inspiration, Music,fun,friendship

Love Can Take You Places

Sometimes life can really take you places. Places you never expect. It can take you down the worst looking roads to find yourself somewhere quite amazing at the end, or it can take you down what seems to be the best thing in the world just to end up on your knees, broken. The most ironic thing to me is when you find yourself in that “middle ground” where everything is just “okay”. It seems these times can be harder to deal with than the highs and lows, at least when it comes to faith.  We seem to be a people with expectations that far outshine the reality of the world. We expect big finishes, big beginnings, big turn outs, big lives. Even those, like myself, who like the simple life, find the mundane difficult to bear at times.  

Now…when those times come upon me that change is at hand, adventure is upon me, as much as I have waited with anticipation for it, I find myself with a burning fire of concern, anxiety, or insecurity. Why is that? Obviously, I get the idea that it is all taken care of. That I have nothing to worry about, as a matter of fact, I’m not supposed to worry (see yesterday’s post). Yet, I do. Almost every time. Almost. 

Currently, I’m gearing up for a road trip. I haven’t taken a serious road trip in several years. I’ve had no need to. Now I do. I like road trips. Especially when it’s to a location I’ve never been to before.  

As I choose what to pack, try to remember the things I have to have to function, and consider what small items I can bring that will either comfort or please in gifts, I feel the anxieties of new people, new faces, new concerns slide away into the background.  

In a few days I’ll once again be surrounded by Yankees in a place I’ve never been, to a meeting that has been a long time coming. The knee jerk reaction is to worry, but the more I seem to try, the less I seem to be able to find reason. I’m being led to do this more than just a decision of my own, and maybe that’s why. 

There’s a peace in knowing you’re doing the right thing. Even when the doing is difficult. This time is not so difficult, I have to admit.  But of the many things that it is, it is an adventure, and it can’t come quickly enough.  Hmmm…there it is..that anticipation.  Good thing, too.  It’s a long drive, and I’ll need it to burn. 

I suppose what I have learned (finally) is that when you use God’s love to guide you, life can really take you places. 

Now…this tune may not seem a fit at first…but it sort of is…in my twisted up head, anyway.  It’s at least a great road trip song…

I Bet My Life by Imagine Dragons

Tagged with: , , , , ,
Posted in Belief, strength, Friendship, faith, love, Inspiration, Uncategorized

Worry Not Warriors!!

The insurance is due. I didn’t make it to the bank in time.  The rain won’t come.  The rain won’t stop.  What if he doesn’t even like me? What if I am too little? What if I am too much? What if tomorrow never comes? What if this day is just one day too late? 

Are you feeling me?

Worry.  We do it so easily.  I truly believe I had to be made to worry.  I have a bag of Pepto pills to prove it.  But you know I have learned to be so much less stressed than this.  Let me show you how…

Tell me, can you change time and get to the bank any faster? Can you make the rain start or stop? Can you change how he will view you? Can you be any different than the real you and pull it off forever? And for the last two: You didn’t control the first breath, and brother, you won’t control the last, even if you try to take it on your own…that last breath is His and He will take it for Himself. You can’t choose the day. It was chosen for you.  

YOU can’t change these things.  They are out of your hands, and in His.  He tells you over and over not to worry.  Don’t believe me? Check my favorite Book. In the back of many Bibles is a concordance and it always sends me to the best ones.  Let’s try Matthew 6:25-34

Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on.  Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow or reap nor gather into barns; yet your Heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not of more valure than they?  Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?

So why wdo you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you little of faith?

Therefore do not worry, saying, “what shall we eat?” Or “What shall we drink?” Or “what shall we wear?” For after all these things the Gentiles seek.  For your Heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.  But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. 

I know people who are painstaking in their daily life.  They attack each thing going on, one at a time.  It’s amazing.  You think about how many things we mostly juggle at one time.  And here is one person that will stop in mid-sentence to focus solely on one thing.  Thick? Nope.  He probably has it more figured out that we ever could.  Worrying about tomorrow is usesless.  And in the worrying we forget about the joy that is right in front of us.  The child’s smile and unstoppable conversation. A beautiful park and an echo of laughter. A storm to wash away the heat, and clean the air.  That one person that chooses you.  

In this world, nothing lasts forever.  Nothing is set in stone.  But sometimes, just sometimes things are meant to be. And you know what? If you keep worrying, you just might miss it. Or at least make the wait, so so much harder.  

Put the worrying aside.  Enjoy the ride.  Things are not in your hands, and they never have been. Trust He knows us.  He loves us. And we know that all things work together for good and to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28) 

Now is not the time to worry.  Now is time for excitement, contentment, joy.  

The bills will find pay, hearts will find union, and time will pass as it should be.  And it will be just fine. He says so. 

Posted in Uncategorized

Perhaps I’m a secret romantic. Perhaps I understand what it’s like to have to keep up your guard with everyone in your life. Perhaps this is from one warrior to another Warrior. So,here’s a rare thing from me:
Bring me your armor.

Come to me,war-weary,
Heart torn
Come to me, head bowed,
Unsure

Let me remove this piece by piece
Bloody, dented, tear-rusted
Tavel-stained.

Slowly, let me free you.
Amor piece by piece
Scattered on the floor.

All this pain
I will scatter.
Kneeling, I wash your feet
Until your heart runs clean

Warrior-I see you
Scars faded
Now you bear only
My mark

Sojourners, battle-honed
Shattered. Destroyed.
Rubble cleared to reveal
You
Me

Bring me your armor
Scattered at our feet
Piled onto mine
Set it afire
Now-bared and branded
Two hearts free

2017

Tagged with: , , , , , , ,
Posted in Friendship, faith, love, Inspiration, Music,fun,friendship

The Guide

I recall vividly the days from my grade school when the teachers would talk about careers, asking each of us what we would be when we grew up. Recall the many “career days” when I was older. I recall the tests taken to tell me what my future career should be and on what I should focus. I remember the plans I would consider, the places I might go. And I did that a lot. I lived in a small and boring town, after all. I’m sure you probably did the same. 

So, I don’t have to go much more into the subject to prove that from a very young age we were taught to plan, expect, do…and know it will be from us and by us that our successes and failures would be ours as well. And for most of us, we rely on our own power to do, say, and be.  

It’s insanely different when you find out that all you have been taught before Christ, is not at all what it should be like.  

So, today…we are talking about love. 

You don’t have to reread all that…it all ties in. Don’t you love it when I do this?

My life has been a series of hard choices and harder results. As I tried to rely on my own power, I have found myself lost, exhausted and in kinds of pain that no one should have to ever know. Then, there was Christ. 

And I began to realize that everything I have gone through, all I can do, all that I know…they have a purpose. They have a reason. They were all training, all preparation for what He has in store for me. I have been battle born. But it comes with a price. I have to love enough to let go. 

You see, everything I say, everything I do, everything I am must be by for and through Him. What I am talking about here is not a nod to the things God stands for and just make sure I am kind to my grumpy neighbor, or I walk old ladies across the road…no what I am talking about is giving up all my choices, all my plans, all my decisions, and let them be His. To be something that I truly don’t have the courage to become on my own. To become a Warrior on my knees in Christ, to follow Him and live knowing that He has my back, my meals, the roof over my head, and the salve to my heart wounds. It’s a crazy kind of walk in faith. One that could take you to the worst city streets or the most war torn countries, or even harder, in the midst of those you love but who don’t know Christ.

Now, lets expand a bit here. How about not choosing the woman or man you will marry, but letting Him do it? How about not taking a job before He gives the nod, or at least lets you know at this point the job won’t matter do what I will? How about tithing until it hurts, knowing it will be there when you need it, through Him? It’s going all in, all for Him. It’s giving yourself up…for Love. 

Long before we ever existed a plan was made. A Master Plan. One that tells a story of blood, pain, sorrow, peace, joy, and Love. It is a love story unlike any other that has taken more time than we can pack into our brains to unfold, and it’s still unfolding today.  

Of all this world, me-and many like me-have found themselves in a world that doesn’t love them. But there is One that always has and always will. One that sent His Son to sacrifice His life for those who do not deserve it. And never could. And the plan involves each of us. Each part of us. 

The Bible is not just a story, a fairy tale, and it is NOT a jumble of metaphors and half-truths. It’s a story of promise and a plan, and a load of promises that ask for one thing…our faith in Him. 

I’ve never believed in anyone, sometimes not even myself. But His promises have been so tangible in my life. Never more than now. As I face a time in my life with no plan, no idea what will happen, I have Him unfolding a future I had thought to give up hope for long ago. And I watch as those who are a part of it begin to realize that same future and it’s breathtaking and heart wrenching all at once. 

The Bible promises us that God wants to know everything, be a part of every part of us and we are to give those things to Him. It isn’t about Him being some Master and we some slave, though I gladly wear the title. It is all about Love. He loves me. He loves you. He loves this whole messed up, going-under-without-a-life-vest world. And He wants to take over the hard stuff..all of it in order to fulfill His Master plan, but also to show us His promises in our lives and give us joy and peace. What? Someone wants me…you…happy. 

I took my knees and gave Him everything. I didn’t do it in my most desperate hour, though many would say that is what my life seems to be lately. No, I waited until there was no real reason aside from the fact I trust Him to love me. He dared me to do so, and I have. And life is becoming bigger than I ever dreamed.  

This is my siren song for Him. Come and let it all out to Him, and step back taking nothing with you. Wait. He is offering you everything you have ever dreamed and then tossing that aside and giving you what you could never dream for.  

I am a Warrior of God. I come with tidings of great joy, a Gospel of Truth and Love, and I come with nothing but the greatest that has ever been. I come only with God to lead me and what He has found in his grace and love to provide…and that is greater than you could ever know. 

Has He called you to something? Has He told you something you just can’t see happening and you want to call that the “voices in your head?” You know better, now don’t you. Pick up His Armor and don’t look back. Make no plans. Make no Hope but in Him. And live like a Renegade in this world and love like a lion. And trust. Trust that His love will take you places. Where you have never been…could never have imagined. He wants to take you on the adventure of a lifetime, just let Him be the Guide.

Love Will Take you Places by Danny Gokey

Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Belief, strength, Friendship, faith, love, Inspiration